Update

First I just want to thank everyone for your words and support; I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I wanted to give you all an update, which I kept meaning to do but every time I sat down to write something, I just stared at the screen and couldn’t.

I can’t say I feel better, but the initial shock has worn off and now I’m just so depressed that it’s kind of hard to function.

The two people who committed this crime are both in custody now. I don’t know why they did what they did. They robbed my brother, but why did they kill him and his family? Why didn’t they just take whatever they wanted and leave? Why did they kill them? I don’t know.

My great nephew, who was miraculously left alive, is so afraid he won’t walk through a house by himself. I hope God and therapy and time will help him. I can’t even imagine what he went through, is still going through.

I’m doing whatever I can to try to get through this. My entire family is hurting. To tell the truth, this sunk me into such a depression that I really don’t see why anyone would want to be alive in this world. I want to get my desire to live back, and I’m sure I will, in time. I would never kill myself. I’d never put my family through that, especially my two kids. But that’s just the truth of how I feel right now.

It doesn’t seem possible that I’ll ever feel better. I can’t believe I’ll never see them again. I miss my brother so much I can’t even describe it. He was the brother closest to me in age. I thought he was invincible and can’t comprehend how someone could have taken him out so easily. Everything’s changed because he’s not here anymore. So many lives are affected because of this terrible thing.

I’m trying not to torture myself with questions. Did he suffer? Did he have time to understand what was going to happen and feel the agony of knowing his family was going to die? Or was it over in an instant and he didn’t have time to think anything? I can’t help it. I wonder.

I’ll update you as often as I can, and will let you know when I find out what is going to happen to the monsters who murdered my family.

And again, thank you all for your support and your caring. It helps more than you probably realize.

Jane